Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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