I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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