Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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