Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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