btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
