alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
