It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
