I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
pray to the hookup gods
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
