I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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