Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my liver is dry heaving
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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