I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
