i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
