Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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