There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
