my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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