And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
