You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
