You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
