My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
