i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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