Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
