puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
