I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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