he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
