That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love you. Go after that dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
