I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
