Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
