:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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