and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
