my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
