Cold hands, warm shart.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
