I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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