I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
