he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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