As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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