That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
