he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
