Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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