Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.

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(301): View more from Maryland

just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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(760): View more from California

She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

(815): View more from Illinois

Grandpa would have been proud

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(502): View more from Kentucky

What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?

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(636): View more from Missouri

The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night

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(516): View more from New York

i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level

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