shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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