did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
