my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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