Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
