dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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