trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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