i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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