I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
