as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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