This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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