they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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